Integrative Life Coaching

I was recently certified as an integrative life coach through The Center for Integrative Hypnosis which is affiliated with IACT- the international association of counselors and therapists. I learned so much from my teacher who is considered one of the best of the best in this field.

I’m now accepting clients who are interested in a long term format (10 sessions) of integrative life coaching, which entails NLP, EFT and hypnosis to guide you in making positive changes in your life. This combination targets both the conscious and unconscious mind as well as pressure points on the body. The format is backed by the latest neuroscientific research of neuroplasticity and body cognition.

I’ll give you the tools you need to rewire your brain, reshape your approaches are your habits so that you can lead your life in the way you want.

I’m currently accepting new clients for coaching. Email me, or book a phone consultation.

How To Choose the Right Healer

In choosing the right healer, it’s most important you feel a resonance. It’s a sudden feeling of connectedness, like you’re drawn to them for some reason and often don’t know why.

In my personal opinion, that’s the most important, because the resonance indicates that unconsciously you’re occupying a similar wavelength. Meaning, they can help you, and you know they can.

I would put this aside for a minute so you can sit with it. If you find your thoughts going to the healer with whom you have resonance, I’d take that as a cue to proceed.

Make sure that it’s someone whose energy you like, whose personality you like, who practices good energetic hygiene. Reason being, in the healing process, your energies are mixing. You don’t want to spend time with someone whose energy doesn’t sync up with yours, or its clear that they don’t take care of themselves or their energy. After you leave an energy healing session, some of the healer’s energy stays on you. If it’s someone who you just don’t like for any reason,, you definitely don’t want their energy on you!

Reason being, if you want an energy clearing, then it’s not going to be to your benefit to be cleared by someone whose energy is “dirty” because that will stick to you and will defeat the purpose. If it’s someone who just seems sad, depressed, upset,, you’ll most likely feel all those too because when your channels are opening during a healing, they’re porous.

Most importantly, choose someone who demonstrates sensitivity- reason being,

in energy healing, although most of the time we’re dealing with things unseen. Sensitivity is what attunes us to the energy. Although unseen, this has real implications because everything, EVERYTHING is energy. When something/one affects your energy, this/they’re affecting the way you emit, broadcast your energy into the world and therefore, what you attract back into your reality. So take your time with this and it’s worth it to make the investment.

Letting People In

Unconscious defenses pile up- that's just the way maturation goes. We learn to accumulate pain as reminders to not get hurt again. We learn to disconnect, to compartmentalize, yet what's striking is that we weren't always this way, were we? 

There was a time and a place when I was open to all experiences without judgments, without assumptions of, "this won't work" or rules of "how it's supposed to go" 

What ends up happening is that we stop allowing ourselves to be human. To make mistakes. To step outside the box. We also stop letting other people be human too. One wrong move and they're written off. Or, we never truly let them close to us. We close our hearts before they can get inside even if physically we're with them. We can be near them, but yet, we can feel like we're in the other room. We withdraw to self-protect, dodge issues and avoid confrontation. 

We stop allowing ourselves to feel our true feelings for fear of being vulnerable. Because if we're vulnerable, if we just jump in, we might get destroyed all over again. We might be labeled naive, or worse yet, "emotional", and then where did all that experience go that taught us to be "wiser"?

However, we then deprive ourselves of the experience of being alive. That's what we came here for anyway, isn't it? To experience the whole range of "humanness" including emotions, positive and negative. Instead of allowing our minds to naturally go to the what ifs, to the can't, shoulds and possible outcomes, why don't we just live in the present and enjoy it for what it is? And the knowledge it can bring us about ourselves? We attract just what we need in the present moment, and you might be surprised what some of the people we are resonating the most with at present can show us, to help us move forward.

It's a choice. No one can ever get close to us unless we let them, and we can choose to slowly peel away the layers so that we can be truly connected, because deep down that's what we all need.

From Stuck to Forward Movement

Sometimes when you feel stuck it’s hard to muster the motivation to move forward. Not only that but, it feels safe to be stuck. We may be unconsciously blocking ourselves to “protect” ourselves from new terrains that feel uncomfortable and risky. Change is scary.

How do you combat this?

Realize that the ego goes into resistance whenever there’s a shift. You CAN do this, and you, your soul, knows this. That’s where your power is derived from. Left to your ego, you are powerless because it tries to convince you of your powerlessness. It tells you you can’t, that you’re not good enough, that fear is reasonable and valid.

The first step to take is any step. It’s not about the step itself, and there’s no need to worry about it being the right step to obtain the right outcome. Outcome is secondary, as it can’t come without some movement first. Movement is really about directing the energy toward forward movement that attracts new events.

The 2nd step is to evaluate what it is you want. A better career? More money? Love? Friendship? Be clear about what it is you want and start taking baby steps in each. Put yourself out there, and when you feel resistance, keep going. Resistance is a break through waiting to happen.

As you break through the stuck energy, you’ll see just how easy it is to keep accelerating. The path becomes clear and momentum carries itself. A lot of times, being stuck is just telling us that we lack the confidence to move forward. But confidence is within. The ego/mind hides a lot of our innate confidence, worth from us -- it's not the truth.

you CAN do this! No matter how scary it seems! Recognize that you have support even when you feel that you don't.

Stepping Into Power

The process of stepping into ones' own power means owning oneself fully and truly. It means facing every part of you, especially the parts of you that you hide to be socially accepted. Shadow work is essential in this process, as most of us discard and disown elements of ourselves that we cover in shame and self-rejection. That means feeling the depth of negative emotions, "abnormal" (I say this in quotes because what I mean is, anything outside of what society defines as normal which is a rather limited box) needs and basically, anything about ourselves that we'd cringe at if someone else found out about.

For me, that was feelings of neediness, loneliness, sadness, a fear of rejection and vulnerability. If we all came out and said what it was that we hid away, we'd probably come to find that we all hide the same things.

On the spiritual path, if you're like me and have had a share of traumatic events, you'll likely dissociate or want to escape from the heavier feelings and move towards the lighter ones. As a shaman identified for me, this is a form of spiritual bypassing. Although it feels like we are on the path towards enlightenment, we do need to face the discomfort to be able to drop into our bodies because the truth is, our power is in our bodies. If our spirits journey out, our bodies are left defenseless and our visions lose their grounding. Often times in these moments we'll hit a "Detour" or what appears/feels to be like one. It will often feel like a trauma itself, but what it's doing is dislodging our deeper traumas in our unconscious that are matching this circumstance. These detours are what allow us to step into our power.

Throughout the process, it can be grueling, but keep in mind that we are only given that which we can handle. If you are a person like me, a very old soul, a healer, an empath, then you already know that you've signed up for a hell of a lot of challenges in this lifetime to refine you, to make you stronger and suited for the large undertakings ahead. We can only heal people as much as we heal ourselves, after all. Before my "detour", I was taking on the energies of other people, their pain, their wounds and not realizing that those were only being absorbed because they matched something in my past that I'd buried in my subconscious. On the other side of this detour, I realize how much faster I can go down my path now after clearing out all of the darker, residual aspects.

We are human- and as human beings we are wired to judge. And that judgment is information not for the other person, but for ourselves- it brings up our belief systems and what we fear within ourselves. We can use this as useful information in our transformation process as it makes us more powerful.

Remember that power is not what we are conditioned to believe it is: it is not masculine, domineering, aggressive. That is overcompensation. That is purely gender based conditioning. Real power is integration. Real power is feminine and masculine. Real Power is ownership of the self, ugliness and all.

Love and Male/Female Energies

We hear this all the time: to attract love you have to love yourself

BUT WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

The prerequisite to loving oneself is a sense of wholeness. When we are scattered, when we disown parts of ourself, and we create separation within, we are actively NOT loving ourselves. The process of integration is the process of falling in love with oneself. And wholeness is what attracts wholeness.

When we are seeking externally that which we don't have inside, that's when we run into issues with our ego, our insecurity and our repetitive patterns. That's what we have, as Freud would call it, repetition compulsion. And even if that "love" fulfills itself, which isn't even the end goal unconsciously (unconsciously it's to play out and resolve a trauma, we just think consciously that we're seeking love) it becomes an immature love. Most of the time it's quite simple. When we don't love ourselves, we're actively looking for love out there. But how is this really possible in an increasingly high stakes arena? We're all so de-personalized as a society when it comes to dating, we swipe people. We ghost. 

The issue with making other people give us what we don't give ourselves is that we create codependency which naturally is not healthy. We end up making the other person responsible for our needs, and that is parasitic. Mature love functions in a state of harmony where both people are responsible for themselves so they have more to give one another from a genuine place of giving, not as an obligation.

The problem here is that most people mistake obligation for love. Think about how many times you've felt obligated for friends or family and recognize that that might be telling you something is inherently unhealthy in the relationship. Because within a truly positive and healthy framework, even the most mundane things are things you WANT to do for the other person not because you feel like you HAVE to. Not to mention if we do have healthy relationships and therefore healthy boundaries, no one would pressure or guilt you into something you don't want to do. Therefore obligation cannot possibly exist.

In this vein it's important to look at male and female energies. In no way is this to do with expressed gender- male and female energies are a natural part of all of us just like yin yang and the elements. The issue with our current society is that we are forced into imbalance. We are forced to express only one or the other, or have highly exaggerated male energies AND we largely live in an unconscious and weakened energetic state. What I mean by this is internally, reaching a place of non-binary is essential. That's why the ascended masters all had a rather androgynous way of expression. Even if externally you are cis gendered, it's important to understand how both M/F energies are fine tuned within. Because again, if we have a lack of male energy within, we'll seek that male energy outside of us but usually in the unconscious form and vice versa. 

Example: If someone is heavily skewed towards the feminine, but the feminine is not well cultivated/conscious because the masculine is disowned, then this person will likely seek out very authoritative "strong" male and unconscious energies that end up being domineering towards her

It's difficult to integrate and develop both energies and bring them into the conscious because our society has been so heavily skewed towards the unconscious masculine energy and to a weakened feminine energy. Not to mention, women have been programmed to disown their own feminine energies because it is believed to be "weak" and lean towards masculine energies to survive in the work place. Think about it. Why is there so much shame surrounding a woman's menstrual cycle? Why is it that women have so much trouble conceiving in this current time? Why are there so many cases of breast and ovarian cancer? Why are we all skewed towards the rational masculine side of the brain and being right handed is the norm? Even the most subtle expectations skew our balance. We as humans are sensitive beings, we have just learned to disown that too. "We" in the general sense, not you and I :)

The divine, conscious expression of both of those energies is something very different. It exudes a strength, not an insecurity. Luckily, with the current planetary energies, men are learning to open their hearts and accept the divine feminine within. Women are learning to empower their feminine energies too and change the perception of feminine energies as weak (both polarities are weak in their unconscious and underdeveloped form, of course-- and no matter how domineering the unconscious masculine is, it is still weak because all of that bravado is a display of insecurity and acknowledgement of weakness. All that forcing is going to break them not to mention, solar plexus chakra focused power over others mentality cannot survive in our Aquarian heart centered, power of love mentality). With this comes a new understanding of what it means to embody masculine/feminine.

A Complement to Therapy

Energy healing and hypnosis are complementary to traditional therapy. Why?

Through my personal experience with many different types of therapy, I came to find that although it is a very useful tool for self understanding and behavior modification the maojrity of therapy is oriented towards the rational mind.

The rational mind has all sorts of ego defenses used to obscure the core of the issue- we rationalize, intellectualize every which way in order to convince ourselves of certain "truths" which really just obscures the truth. Therapy is amazing at getting the rational mind under control and providing the basis of motivation, and that's where hypnosis can then target the subconscious mind, core issue to eradicate it. Energy healing then resets all of your energetic patterns, putting you back into balance. 

I use the analogy of the pyramid often. Say you're trying to soak the entire pyramid. Therapy is like soaking the pyramid from the base, meanwhile hypnosis is like saturating the pyramid from the tip. If you do both at once then you achieve your goal much quicker. Add in energy healing and you have a polished, impeccable pyramid.

Energy Cords

We establish energy cords with those we interact with. They get stronger the closer we become, or some, like those connecting us to family are inherently strong.

The energy cord explains why as you become close to someone, you often will think of them and see that they've texted you. By thinking of them, you're pulling on the cord and the other person feels this. 

Not all cords are healthy. Ideally there is a symbiotic union so energy is being evenly exchanged. But sometimes we have people who drain us, or people who send us toxic energy through these cords. Be vigilant about how you feel when you think of, or interact with a person to know how their cord is affecting you. To manage this, we uncord the other person.

There are exceptions: sometimes we cannot uncord from someone no matter how hard we try because they haven't yet completed their karmic contract with us. This means there is more to learn in the relationship and once the lesson is completed we naturally uncord them. 

However, many times people plug in cords just to drain our energy or to hurt us and in those cases we can and should absolutely uncord the person no matter how close to us they are. It often times feels like hooks being pulled out of us usually in our solar plexus chakra but they can also exist in other places depending on our relationship with that person. For instance, if we share a mental connection it is probably from the crown chakra; a sexual connection, probably from the sacral chakra; a romantic connection, probably from the heart chakra. To tell where it is, close your eyes and visualize the other person, then feel out where on your body the energy is coming from. 

What happens after you uncord them? You'll often see that they reach out immediately. Other times they just... vanish even though they used to contact you a lot!

Just know that you deserve to have your energy for yourself and for those you choose to share with. For those who abuse this and try to take your energy it is unfair. They need to learn how to generate their own supply which everyone can and uncording them is a form of self-care.

Trance

Trance is a naturally occurring state. It is argued that before we enter what we know as "Trance", we already are walking around in trance.

Think about the ways we self soothe and numb ourselves- we watch TV, we binge eat. We do these things mindlessly because why? It's almost like we put ourselves in trance to cope.

What are we coping with?

From the time we're young and impressionable we're given hypnotic suggestions and brainwashed to believe who we "are". When we grow we are taught by society to act certain ways. Boys don't cry. Girls need to be nice. Then we have a cultural layer. For me, I was conditioned to be submissive because that's what nice Chinese girls are (there's a cultural concept of "guai" which means well-behaved, to do as you're told. It is a cherished trait). Then we have the messages we internalize from our friends, parents (what Freud would call the Ego). You're a messy person, you never finish your work, you're lazy- or on the flip side we get many positive messages as well that may or may not reflect who we truly are.

The act of going into trance electively for the purposes of hypnosis is self-selected. It is an instance of the authentic self choosing to remove those layers of conditioned responses and restrictions. It is the first step to liberation, because in that "trance" state, we can access the subconscious mind in its purity to literally, delete our programming.

The ways you act automatically are conditioned responses. They're not really you.

Don't you want to know who you really are?

I bet you'd like you if you got to know you. I know I already do.

xM

Why Invest in Energetic Maintenance?

Energetic maintenance is not only an investment in yourself, but in those around you.

Our energetic imprints create our reality and set our boundaries. Notice the patterns in your life? Why do you keep attracting the same types of relationships with people, money, housing, friends, etc? Objectively, how come other people have patterns that aren't similar to yours at all? The answer is it's all in the energy they're sending out.

We develop an idea that we need to work harder to change those habits but really, some of it can be changed effortlessly through healing our energy. When we heal our energy, our whole world transforms, and then that impacts everyone in our lives positively.

Before I had my own energy healing, I would've scoffed at the idea of routine energetics. But now, I've put myself on a routine of shamanic healing, acupuncture (so I can address energy centers and meridians at once), detoxing (regular visits to an infrared sauna, colonics, massages, high endurance workouts) and on average two hours of meditation a day. I barely drink and my diet is vegetarian and healthy. It is a lot of time and money I put towards this and it is worth it because when you invest in yourself, you send a message to the world that you matter. And when you invest in your energy, because you're also investing in others and the world at large, you get back your investment tenfold or more. That is the way energy works- the universe will always support you if you're making wise decisions that contribute to the greater good. The stronger your energy, the more good you can do.

Before my life changed, I kept repeating the same patterns and beating myself up about it, spending so much time trying to work it out, seeking help in all the wrong places. Nothing seemed to change. And now, my life is completely different. My old self-defeating patterns vanished. I don't even have to say a word. My energy does the work for me and attracts just what I need when I need it. It self sustains- the more work I put in, the more disciplined I am towards my own healing, the more expansive and abundant my life becomes. 

The truth is counterintuitive. When things seem difficult- do less. Tune in more.

Remember that paradoxically by not taking care of yourself, you are being selfish. You can only take care of others if you take care of yourself. Why do they tell you on the plane to put your mask on first before you secure masks onto others? Think about it.