Letting People In

Unconscious defenses pile up- that's just the way maturation goes. We learn to accumulate pain as reminders to not get hurt again. We learn to disconnect, to compartmentalize, yet what's striking is that we weren't always this way, were we? 

There was a time and a place when I was open to all experiences without judgments, without assumptions of, "this won't work" or rules of "how it's supposed to go" 

What ends up happening is that we stop allowing ourselves to be human. To make mistakes. To step outside the box. We also stop letting other people be human too. One wrong move and they're written off. Or, we never truly let them close to us. We close our hearts before they can get inside even if physically we're with them. We can be near them, but yet, we can feel like we're in the other room. We withdraw to self-protect, dodge issues and avoid confrontation. 

We stop allowing ourselves to feel our true feelings for fear of being vulnerable. Because if we're vulnerable, if we just jump in, we might get destroyed all over again. We might be labeled naive, or worse yet, "emotional", and then where did all that experience go that taught us to be "wiser"?

However, we then deprive ourselves of the experience of being alive. That's what we came here for anyway, isn't it? To experience the whole range of "humanness" including emotions, positive and negative. Instead of allowing our minds to naturally go to the what ifs, to the can't, shoulds and possible outcomes, why don't we just live in the present and enjoy it for what it is? And the knowledge it can bring us about ourselves? We attract just what we need in the present moment, and you might be surprised what some of the people we are resonating the most with at present can show us, to help us move forward.

It's a choice. No one can ever get close to us unless we let them, and we can choose to slowly peel away the layers so that we can be truly connected, because deep down that's what we all need.

Stepping Into Power

The process of stepping into ones' own power means owning oneself fully and truly. It means facing every part of you, especially the parts of you that you hide to be socially accepted. Shadow work is essential in this process, as most of us discard and disown elements of ourselves that we cover in shame and self-rejection. That means feeling the depth of negative emotions, "abnormal" (I say this in quotes because what I mean is, anything outside of what society defines as normal which is a rather limited box) needs and basically, anything about ourselves that we'd cringe at if someone else found out about.

For me, that was feelings of neediness, loneliness, sadness, a fear of rejection and vulnerability. If we all came out and said what it was that we hid away, we'd probably come to find that we all hide the same things.

On the spiritual path, if you're like me and have had a share of traumatic events, you'll likely dissociate or want to escape from the heavier feelings and move towards the lighter ones. As a shaman identified for me, this is a form of spiritual bypassing. Although it feels like we are on the path towards enlightenment, we do need to face the discomfort to be able to drop into our bodies because the truth is, our power is in our bodies. If our spirits journey out, our bodies are left defenseless and our visions lose their grounding. Often times in these moments we'll hit a "Detour" or what appears/feels to be like one. It will often feel like a trauma itself, but what it's doing is dislodging our deeper traumas in our unconscious that are matching this circumstance. These detours are what allow us to step into our power.

Throughout the process, it can be grueling, but keep in mind that we are only given that which we can handle. If you are a person like me, a very old soul, a healer, an empath, then you already know that you've signed up for a hell of a lot of challenges in this lifetime to refine you, to make you stronger and suited for the large undertakings ahead. We can only heal people as much as we heal ourselves, after all. Before my "detour", I was taking on the energies of other people, their pain, their wounds and not realizing that those were only being absorbed because they matched something in my past that I'd buried in my subconscious. On the other side of this detour, I realize how much faster I can go down my path now after clearing out all of the darker, residual aspects.

We are human- and as human beings we are wired to judge. And that judgment is information not for the other person, but for ourselves- it brings up our belief systems and what we fear within ourselves. We can use this as useful information in our transformation process as it makes us more powerful.

Remember that power is not what we are conditioned to believe it is: it is not masculine, domineering, aggressive. That is overcompensation. That is purely gender based conditioning. Real power is integration. Real power is feminine and masculine. Real Power is ownership of the self, ugliness and all.

Love and Male/Female Energies

We hear this all the time: to attract love you have to love yourself

BUT WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

The prerequisite to loving oneself is a sense of wholeness. When we are scattered, when we disown parts of ourself, and we create separation within, we are actively NOT loving ourselves. The process of integration is the process of falling in love with oneself. And wholeness is what attracts wholeness.

When we are seeking externally that which we don't have inside, that's when we run into issues with our ego, our insecurity and our repetitive patterns. That's what we have, as Freud would call it, repetition compulsion. And even if that "love" fulfills itself, which isn't even the end goal unconsciously (unconsciously it's to play out and resolve a trauma, we just think consciously that we're seeking love) it becomes an immature love. Most of the time it's quite simple. When we don't love ourselves, we're actively looking for love out there. But how is this really possible in an increasingly high stakes arena? We're all so de-personalized as a society when it comes to dating, we swipe people. We ghost. 

The issue with making other people give us what we don't give ourselves is that we create codependency which naturally is not healthy. We end up making the other person responsible for our needs, and that is parasitic. Mature love functions in a state of harmony where both people are responsible for themselves so they have more to give one another from a genuine place of giving, not as an obligation.

The problem here is that most people mistake obligation for love. Think about how many times you've felt obligated for friends or family and recognize that that might be telling you something is inherently unhealthy in the relationship. Because within a truly positive and healthy framework, even the most mundane things are things you WANT to do for the other person not because you feel like you HAVE to. Not to mention if we do have healthy relationships and therefore healthy boundaries, no one would pressure or guilt you into something you don't want to do. Therefore obligation cannot possibly exist.

In this vein it's important to look at male and female energies. In no way is this to do with expressed gender- male and female energies are a natural part of all of us just like yin yang and the elements. The issue with our current society is that we are forced into imbalance. We are forced to express only one or the other, or have highly exaggerated male energies AND we largely live in an unconscious and weakened energetic state. What I mean by this is internally, reaching a place of non-binary is essential. That's why the ascended masters all had a rather androgynous way of expression. Even if externally you are cis gendered, it's important to understand how both M/F energies are fine tuned within. Because again, if we have a lack of male energy within, we'll seek that male energy outside of us but usually in the unconscious form and vice versa. 

Example: If someone is heavily skewed towards the feminine, but the feminine is not well cultivated/conscious because the masculine is disowned, then this person will likely seek out very authoritative "strong" male and unconscious energies that end up being domineering towards her

It's difficult to integrate and develop both energies and bring them into the conscious because our society has been so heavily skewed towards the unconscious masculine energy and to a weakened feminine energy. Not to mention, women have been programmed to disown their own feminine energies because it is believed to be "weak" and lean towards masculine energies to survive in the work place. Think about it. Why is there so much shame surrounding a woman's menstrual cycle? Why is it that women have so much trouble conceiving in this current time? Why are there so many cases of breast and ovarian cancer? Why are we all skewed towards the rational masculine side of the brain and being right handed is the norm? Even the most subtle expectations skew our balance. We as humans are sensitive beings, we have just learned to disown that too. "We" in the general sense, not you and I :)

The divine, conscious expression of both of those energies is something very different. It exudes a strength, not an insecurity. Luckily, with the current planetary energies, men are learning to open their hearts and accept the divine feminine within. Women are learning to empower their feminine energies too and change the perception of feminine energies as weak (both polarities are weak in their unconscious and underdeveloped form, of course-- and no matter how domineering the unconscious masculine is, it is still weak because all of that bravado is a display of insecurity and acknowledgement of weakness. All that forcing is going to break them not to mention, solar plexus chakra focused power over others mentality cannot survive in our Aquarian heart centered, power of love mentality). With this comes a new understanding of what it means to embody masculine/feminine.