Why Aren't My Manifestations Working?

Taurus New Moon is a wonderful opportunity to manifest what you want materially.

Here I share some other aspects of manifestation. If you’ve ever been frustrated about manifestations not working, it’s possible that they are but they are being deflected.

“Part of the manifestation practice is of what you let go rather than what you add” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Energy Grabbing and How to Deal with Draining People

Sometimes, people don’t have it in their conscious awareness that they’re trying to drain or grab your energy.

I define energy grabbing as smaller doses of huge drains of energy. It’s basically when someone’s texting, emailing, calling, making contact in some way so that they engage you. You, if you’re energetically aware, may feel drained after connecting with them, or have a sense that something is wrong, that you don’t want to engage. This person’s unconscious intention is to grab your energy because they can’t self-sustain. They will sometimes ask you nonsense questions or just keep engaging you when they really don’t need to be. There’s something in them where they just NEED to make contact with you and they will come up with excuses.

Healers and empaths tend to be targets of this, because people feel good in our energy (if we’re doing the work and honoring our energy, that is- and most of us already have it in us to be givers and take on energetic labor for people) that is not to exempt healers or empaths in general, as many toxic healers and empaths (what I mean is, people who are not doing their work nor accountable for their own energy) drain or grab energy.

There’s a co-dependent energy exchange at play, and if you allow people to grab your energy, it makes it so that you enable this behavior. On the flip side, if you keep doing this, you’ll never connect to your own source nor learn self-care practices that will sustain and recharge you. Many people who grab energy tend to also have addictions to other substances, and can also be addicted to other people’s energy. If they’re doing it to you, they likely have multiple sources they go to for a boost.

Drains I define as much larger ones over a span of time, whether it’s in one elongated conversation or over the course of a relationship. Sometimes, we can have draining bonds where we rarely interact with the person in a physical 3D space, maybe that person is a family member and our energy cord runs one way- your energy to them. I experience this viscerally when I’m reading for other people and in my own life as a sharp stabbing feeling. I know then that the cord isn’t clean, and that it’s vampiric. This is part of an energetic agreement that needs to become updated, and the contents need to be made conscious in order to change.

Other times, we can just feel drained in the presence of someone, or we can feel glommed onto. Usually, there are other demands being made, it’s not just an unconscious intention of: I want your energy, but it can also be: “I want your information, I want your friendship, I want x y z” but it feels parasitic in nature. There is no give and take, or space.

Most energetic vampires don’t know that they’re doing that to you, even if they may have a conscious desire to be around your energy or to take some of it. Here’s another thing that makes this type of interaction especially hard: we can LOVE/ADORE the energy grabber/vampire. They could need help, and we can be very compelled to help. Sometimes, it’s because of the very fact that we absolutely adore this person that it sets off our empathy and we want to give more of our energy so much that it depletes us.

An energy vampire/grabber is not always a bad person or someone you want to avoid at all. In fact, I’m sure at one point or another we’ve all grabbed at someone else’s energy or drained someone else, before we become really conscious of what’s happening. That’s all it is: an unconscious behavior.

Some of us can have programming that makes it so we attract these types of people, or feel attracted to these types. Or perhaps, we are programmed to offer help, or offer continuous streams of energy. We can be locked into a codependent energy exchange for years, even, because if we were programmed for this, then someone we know and perhaps deeply love modeled this relationship for us.

This can take a very long time to get clear on and to clear. What can perpetuate this cycle is first, being unconscious about it. Then, when you’re conscious about it, victim mentality can keep you stuck. This means having beliefs that you don’t get to decide, or that you don’t have full reign of your own energy and where it goes, or that it’s the other person’s fault they took it. Evaluate, where is this coming from? Is this a sign of a core wounding as a child? When I’m in victim mentality, I know it’s a sign of the wounded inner child speaking, the one who had her life decisions forced on her and felt like she had no say in anything.

You’re accountable too if you allow other people to take your energy. If you’re conscious enough to feel what’s going on, then you know what’s going on.

The next step is to understand that this has so many layers- and that some of these victim mentality beliefs, or beliefs we owe our energy, or to allow this behavior, are embedded in our nervous system. For instance, we may have beliefs here that if we don’t give what other people want, we may feel unlovable, or we may fear their abandonment, or we may fear conflict (because conflict comes with high stakes for those of us who grew up with unstable caretakers) or in the solar plexus level perhaps we need the validation of being the giver, provider, etc.. because that’s deeply wound into our value systems or self concept.

Then, it’s to get clear on our ability to say NO whether vocally, or just to realize that we have that option. Sometimes, we don’t realize we have the option around our energy. This means, rejecting that invitation to get coffee. Not engaging in communication, or calling them out when they’re trying to engage you in communication that is clearly designed to get you to respond. You never have to say to them directly that it’s what they’re doing- it’s not your job, but you can set other parameters and say that behavior doesn’t work for you. They’re on automatic. They won’t know what they’re doing. You know, so it’s your responsibility to disengage from a potentially codependent arrangement.

To embed in your awareness and in your nervous system: “No, I do not want to be in an energetic relationship with you, and I have that choice,” is an empowering thing to do.

Sidenote- if I wasn’t clear before, the attempts to grab will always either try to provoke an emotional reaction so you’re forced to respond, or they’re for questions you’ve already answered, or they’re just random questions. They’re purposeless, because the intention isn’t in getting the answer to the question- that’s not important to the person baiting at all.

Narcissistic Abuse

This is speaking on behalf of the narcissistic abuse victim—

Pathological narcissists rely on fracturing their victim’s identity, so that they’re cut off from themselves. That’s why there’s so much gaslighting, denial, blame shifting and usage of distraction mechanisms. When you’re cut off from your inner knowing, it becomes harder to see the truth.

An example of this is, say, a narcissistic partner is cheating on you. You may get an intuitive sense that something isn’t right, but every time you ask, you’re put in the spotlight or told that you’re crazy. Examples of how this can take place:

  1. How can you accuse me of something like that? I’ve never done that in my life (lying, denial, blame shifting- because now you’re the bad person, you’ve accused them)

  2. Can you give me the benefit of the doubt? (blame shifting- it’s your fault)

  3. You’re too sensitive (gaslighting)

  4. You’re imagining things (gaslighting)

  5. You’re crazy (gaslighting)

  6. I tell you everything (lying, manipulation)

  7. You weren’t right about x so how can you be right about this? (gaslighting, creating doubt)

  8. Admission of something else, to cover up their deceit (a bid to appear honest, but still lying)

  9. Active refusal to engage (stonewalling, punishing)

  10. You’ve had bad experiences in the past so you’re projecting onto me (blame shifting)

  11. Actual distortion of truth and the importance of honesty (i.e. I’m not lying about anything, I don’t count that as lying)

  12. Everyone lies it’s not a big deal, or everyone does it, it’s not a big deal (minimizing)

  13. I was just so lonely! It was your fault! (blame shifting, plea for sympathy)

  14. They get angry and cause a scene (distraction)

  15. You always need to be right don’t you? It’s like your ego can’t handle if you aren’t (blame shifting)

This isn’t all of it! There are countless manipulation tactics the narcissist can employ to make you feel like it’s YOU who’s paranoid, or ill, or to have reason to doubt yourself and your intuition. You can feel like you’re the bad guy for accusing someone so good. When this happens in the long term, victims often feel cut off from themselves, from their power, from their inner voices. This can manifest in depression, anxiety, panic attacks and actually feeling like you are going crazy. Something feels very off, and you feel more and more distant to yourself, to your family and friends. You wonder why your world just doesn’t feel the same way it used to. Where’s your joy? Why do you feel drained all the time?

This is a similar energy that some things like cults will do, or bad gurus.

The reason why these tactics are employed are because if you are out of body, if you are shut down, if you are separated from yourself, then you end up attacking yourself and doing the work for them. An example of this would be, the inner dialogue would be convincing yourself that you’re imagining things, or being paranoid, or convincing yourself that the narcissist is amazing and you don’t deserve them. Your mind goes overboard trying to rectify the cognitive dissonance you are feeling about the situation and the person, and also trying to quiet all the warning signals in the body. You then become more compliant, because you’re cut off from your power. You become more easily manipulated. You’ve surrendered.

Other ways we can feel when we are caught up in narcissistic abuse cycles are: insecure, we may even feel unable to sleep, we may have various ailments pop up out of nowhere, we may get colds all the time even though previously our immune systems were strong, we may find ourselves fixating on the narcissist to the detriment of our own lives. We may start feel really bad about ourselves, or fixating on our flaws, or working tirelessly to improve our communication skills or some aspect of ourselves because we feel like we are to blame (even though the narcissist does nothing). If in a romantic relationship, we may feel very jealous even though we’re not normally jealous. We may also feel very off balance, or unstable, when usually we aren’t this way. The narcissist will use this against you too, even though it’s their instability and chaos that’s making you feel these things.

WATCH OUT FOR THIS. Even though some of us might not be ready in various stages to see how we’re being manipulated because we can really care for, and love the other person, we need to listen to our bodies when we notice something like this happening.

It is what is called, “Crazymaking”. You’re not crazy, but they’ll make you feel like you are. They’ll keep devaluing you, insinuating things to diminish you until you feel so small. This helps them feel bigger, better, and maintain their illusion. They need YOU to believe in their good in order to feel that they are. They need YOU to feel crazy so that they don’t feel their shame about cheating, or their addictions and lies. Essentially, they need YOU to take over responsibility and blame. Narcissists rely heavily on outside feedback, and if they have their one person, their victim, who reflects back what they want to hear and believe about themselves, then everything is ok in their world. Their egos remain afloat, their secrets remain hidden, their truth becomes obscured, and their shame and inferiority are tucked away.

How to Navigate and Understand Sensitivity

I had always known that I was more sensitive to my environments and stimulus than other people. For most of my childhood I had anxiety because I was constantly overstimulated. Our world is not built for people like me!

I’m not only an introvert, empath, but I would also consider myself an HSP. Dr. Elaine Aron has written a series of books about the HSP temperament that I’ve found incredibly helpful. You can take a look at them here.

Other resources that helped me along the way:

Introversion- Quiet by Susan Cain

Empathy- The Empath’s Survival Guide by Dr. Judith Orloff

I had a lot of shame around this because most people don’t think positively of sensitivity. I heard it all the time: You’re too sensitive!

Some of it was gas-lighty, sure, but some other times I knew that my sensitivity could be harmful in my interpersonal relationships and in my relationship with the world, especially in cut-throat environments. In our dealings with people, we don’t want to be oversensitive, even if we are hyper sensitive, if you know what I mean.

As I grew, I started to see how my sensitivity was in fact, a gift. It allowed me a level of awareness in the world that was very rare- most of my bosses could see this and identified it as a strength. One of my former bosses even told me, “everyone can use a spreadsheet. But not that many people can see the world like you do,”. It allowed me a level of perception of people’s motives, of power structures and dynamics that most people missed, and in fact, elevated me in situations when people would seek my consult. My bosses would often ask me, “what do you think?” about people, projects, etc.. even when I was in my early 20’s. In Elaine Aron’s work, she does say that HSP is an adaptive trait in human hierarchy, that it allows HSPs to rise quickly to the top of the social structure because of their abilities to perceive cues in the environment that the rest of the social group misses. Unfortunately, this caused big rifts in my workspaces, because this led to jealousy with my more senior co-workers who were not being asked. My main wish here is that I wasn’t oversensitive to the jealousy and sabotage, in a way that made me not want to contribute my strengths. It mattered more to me then to fit in.

I could also process individual cues faster, not just in environments, but with people. Their very subtle body language, tone, energetic shifts, were things that were not lost on me. Later in life, with the work that I do now in healing, sensitivity is my most dependable resource. That’s how I can detect subtle shifts in the body and in the energy even without seeing the person. A lot of this work rests in subtlety, and the ability to detect nuances is what is able to generate healing on a faster level because it allows me to be precise. Think about it- it’s better to go with the sensitive surgeon because he’s able to cut into very specific areas, whereas an insensitive surgeon wouldn’t be as perceptive and might knick an artery. Would I trade my sensitivity for anything? Now, no. If you asked me a few years ago, well, I tried.

I was in the wrong environments because back then I wasn’t as educated about my temperament. I tried to be like everyone else, but most people are not HSPs. There were even times in my life during which I experienced such desperation to “turn it off” that I went on anti-depressants just to be able to dull it out and be what I thought was more “functional”, which is less sensitive. At that time, I didn’t know that a lot of my anxiety was a result of overstimulation, but it was also a result of unprocessed trauma I wasn’t fully aware I had. It didn’t matter, though, I wanted it to be over with.

Initially, I did feel relief. But then I noticed that my creativity was gone. The way my mind engaged the world was gone. I couldn’t think as clearly. I didn’t feel like myself. I didn’t feel anything at all. I try to look at all things neutrally- I know that medication can help a lot of people, but for me there was a tradeoff, and after some time I realized that I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my sensitivity anymore and instead, learned to work with it.

It’s a double edged sword. I noticed this since I was little, how I was super sensitive even to coffee, or alcohol, or even medications that didn’t affect the majority the way it did for me. I had to be on the lowest micro dosage of everything if I ever needed any. One cup of coffee has me bouncing off the walls. I’ve since realized that my temperament is one that is best without any coffee or substances at all. A glass of wine every once in a while is fine, green tea is fine. It’s best to learn where your limits are so you can find your balance easier.

As I became even MORE sensitive in an energetic way after my spiritual awakening, it made it hard to engage with the outside world. As in, (and most of you who’ve experienced an awakening can testify to) public transportation, crowded spaces, can be really difficult to be in. You might even sense electromagnetic waves more and it could be too much. Sometimes people’s energies were just too much. I couldn’t socialize the same way- being in bars drained the sh** out of me. I couldn’t go out like I used to, I couldn’t be around a ton of people, I couldn’t even socialize in groups sometimes if someone’s energy was off. My sensitivity led to me feeling really isolated. I could tell that some of my friends and partners wanted me to be less of it, and sometimes they even told me- but in all those cases yes I felt bad, but I also knew that developing my sensitivity was key to me and my ability to help people. At one point in my life recently, I realized that I’m putting in the work to develop a healthy ability to manage it, and so the people in my life don’t need to be sensitive themselves, but they need to be understanding and accepting of it. Or at least willing to develop certain tools too.

The process of developing a healthier relationship with my sensitivity and integrate it began with first identifying the trauma around sensitivity. I first decoded what was gaslighting, and what was truly being oversensitive in situations that didn’t warrant it. I started setting boundaries around gaslighting. I started checking in with my intuition more, and then I began distinguishing the two pronged effect of my sensitivity.

One I’ll call harmful sensitivity. Harmful sensitivity is when we take things really personally, even slight remarks. Harmful sensitivity is what causes people around you to feel like they’re walking on eggshells because you might blow up if someone says something they perceive as innocuous even if you don’t. This is a result of the wounded ego- something still hasn’t been fully healed around self-concept, not to mention it’s the ego functioning in an immature way, because it still believes that “all things have to do with me” which is the way that a child’s ego forms initially before it begins to consciously recognize that nothing really is personal. It’s loosely an inability to get outside of oneself to see that other people may be projecting, or working through their own things at that moment, too.

The harmful side can also manifest in taking in criticism. It can really hurt an HSP when someone says something negative, in fact I can find myself ruminating on it all day. It doesn’t slide off my back easier than it would if I were less sensitive. Even if I don’t take it so personally, I can find myself questioning a lot and really feeling the pain and rejection of it.

When HSPs don’t develop good self-regulation and empathy regulation, then they can also go into a state of shock/overstimulation where the nervous system is overactive. This causes burnout, adrenal depletion, and also it makes HSPs get hyper agitated. I’ve noticed in myself and in other HSPs that one of the tell tale signs, or maybe even symptoms of this state is a dependency on caffeine. It’s a chicken or the egg situation, because sometimes caffeine can induce this state as well.

Then there’s resourceful sensitivity, which is the one that allows you to hone in to specifics and environmental cues. This one is a tool- and it actually functions well when there’s a bit of detachment, too. That’s not to say you bypass from it, but you detach from it enough so that it can be an objective tool. The more subjective you become with it, the more it verges on being harmful.

Resourceful sensitivity on a personal level allows you to bounce back quickly. Most of the VERY HSP clients I’ve worked with can take in the work so easily, it’s like they absorb it, and their energy literally integrates it overnight. It takes little recovery time compared to people who aren’t sensitive. I’ve also noticed how I can really take in all information, from classrooms to dance classes. It doesn’t take a lot, I’m processing so many cues at once, so quickly. It also means that I can get over breakups or losses a lot faster than most people because I can feel all the deeper emotions faster. My body even recovers faster from injuries than most people, so it’s happening on all levels. It’s really a miracle, when treated this way.

One caveat here that I find odd, is that on a body level I’m not really that sensitive. As in, it takes me a lot to register pain- and when I was a really little kid and I’d get my blood drawn, the doctors would give me a whole roll of stickers because they said I was the only kid who didn’t cry. I don’t think sensitivity always is the same on physical, emotional, mental levels. And there’s also a lot of mental/emotional toughness too. I do believe that someone who is very sensitive is stronger than most, because I know first hand how tough it is to get around in this world with that level of sensitivity! So, it really is a cause of celebration, and a continual process of working on this for yourself so that you’re at peace with how it functions in your life.

Empaths & Narcissists/Sociopaths

What came first, the empath or the sociopath?

Do either create the other? Why do they always exist in such close proximity?

Whenever I speak to an empath, it seems that they’re involved in some capacity with a narcissist whether in friendship, romance or family. Google this topic and you’ll see it discussed everywhere. Bottom line is, it’s not just the narcissist that’s attracted to the empath, it goes both ways.

Many articles out there will place the blame on one of the parties. It can feel comforting as an empath to read that it’s the narcissist’s fault, but honestly that robs healing from the empath because by accepting it’s partly your (disclaimer: I’m speaking as the empath, as that’s what I have experience with- trust me I’ve spent many many years empathizing with the part of the sociopath/narcissist but for the purposes of this post I’m writing for the empath) choosing, you can then take responsibility. Remember, all dynamics are 50/50 even if they seem skewed. Sometimes the choice is more PASSIVE which is why it seems less like a decided choice.

Someone can be narcissistic and not be a narcissist, someone can be sociopathic, and not be a full blown sociopath. Remember that this all exists on a spectrum, but the traits are there whether they’re expressed fully or not. The thing that makes narcissists so attractive is that there’s a charm, paired with a certain neediness. Empaths tend to be devotional people, and sometimes when someone is both needy, charming and grandiose, it’s all the elements needed to activate that devotion.

I’m literally WIRED to be attracted to narcissists because well, it’s my unconscious showing me my early childhood dynamics. Both my parents were narcissists, my father a full blown one, and my mother more on the covert narcissistic side. Covert narcissists can reframe themselves as martyrs, but their narcissism is just hidden. It’s like, I’ll do everything to seem selfless, but there’s an unconscious/conscious/energetic expectation that you then owe me. Guilt is the mainstay in any type of relationship with a covert narcissist. As they say, martyring can often be the most selfish thing in the world even if it doesn’t carry the appearance.

How do you identify a narcissist? They’ll love bomb the sh** out of you. They usually have high acuity when it comes to identifying your needs and wants, and will morph themselves to adopt those characteristics. There’s also, ALWAYS going to be some sort of “leak” where you do see them switch off to their real selves- and often they will actually tell you straight up (I’m not kidding). But, empaths will often want to give the benefit of the doubt, or excuse whatever it is they say even if it raises questions.

You’ll start to notice along the way that they put demands on your time and energy, and that everything comes back to them and their needs. Their expectations are high, and they’ll find some way to devalue your needs. They’ll also gaslight you and try to convince you of certain things, like why honesty isn’t necessary, or why, if you see through them, what you’re sensing isn’t real, true or logical. They need what they need when they need it. Selfishness is engrained, it’s like they can’t see outside of themselves.

Their egos control them, and they need constant narcissistic supply. This can differ from person to person what counts as that supply, but most will need love, validation, ego stroking. I know that some of these are what most people need, but they tend to require devotion that’s one sided, and don’t care if it causes harm to the supplier) They need to be admired by multiple people at once, and feel they can do whatever it is that they want including lie in order to procure that supply. An example would be a person who cheats on multiple people and strings each of them along based on false promises/claims of exclusivity in order to get what they want, and make sure that they’re the only object of affection for all.

The truth is in their eyes too, and this especially applies to sociopaths. There’s this.. stare… a vacant stare, or a feeling where you can’t see into their eyes like they have some sort of shield up that hides only nothingness. It’s hard to explain. There’s also this sense of unevenness in the eyes. When they look at you it’s like it only goes one way, like a smoke screen, one way mirror.

Last way you can tell? Oh, you know. You can feel it, if you’re an empath. The thing here to watch out for is if you’re programmed to feel comfortable with a socio/narc because it was in your upbringing, you can feel comfortable around them. Just be very conscious of this when you’re working this out.

You will feel drained. You will feel gaslit. You will feel like you’re going crazy. You will feel like nothing you do will ever be enough. You will feel taken advantage of. That’s their MO they will take advantage of you because both of those types of personalities think other people exist to provide something to them and that’s the only way you can exist to them otherwise they will find other supply.

How do you deal with them?

Most people will tell you how to set boundaries. Two of my favorite coaches who speak on this topic are Lisa Romano (she’s AMAZING!) and Stephanie Lyn (also AMAZING!)

In my experience, for me it’s better to DROP. I’ve sustained relationships with narcissists/socios for years, and it always weighs on me no matter how vocal I am or how many boundaries I set. Because the socio especially will say what you want to hear and agree to your boundaries without making changes, just to drag this on more.

You may feel aggravated and confused after talking to them. They won’t take responsibility for themselves, and they likely won’t in the long run. It helps to acknowledge what it is you’re getting from the relationship. Usually, empaths derive some sort of worth or validation unconsciously/consciously from the dynamic. Empaths typically like to feel needed because most empaths have at some point in time been unilaterally responsible for someone else’s needs, and those two types have a lot of needs! Once you identify what you get, try to figure out another way to develop it in yourself without involving yourself in a toxic relationship. It could be as simple as distraction, because the socio/narc is a GREAT distraction because so much of the focus is on them. I say this because even though it is an imbalanced exchange, it’s important to be conscious that it’s not one person’s fault. There are underlying needs that are being met and the sooner you recognize what those needs are, the quicker you can remove yourself from something potentially harmful.

My process now is, I will usually still give them the benefit of the doubt unless my intuition is screaming to remove myself from the situation immediately, which has happened before. If I sense from a conversation that I’m being gaslit, or told inauthentic promises, or when there’s absolute denial, I know it’s done.

Being fixated on a socio/narc takes up a lot of bandwidth from your own life and from the energy you can be investing in other people where there’s more even give and take.

Good luck!

Boundaries

BOUNDARIES. This is such a huge topic! Feels like I’ve been working on boundaries forever and that’s because just like us, our boundaries grow and evolve as we change. I think it’s always healthy to revisit and renegotiate these with yourself.

My relationship with boundaries has been a nebulous one- I grew up in a household where we weren’t allowed any boundaries- it’s partly cultural as naturally in Chinese culture, families are more involved and enmeshed, but partly because of a toxic environment in which my parents didn’t know where they began and where they ended, nor did they allow me any agency or division or individuality. I was punished and shamed for setting boundaries, and as a result my nervous system encoded that it is not safe to set boundaries as the backlash that I suffer as a result are more costly than having those boundaries invaded in the first place.

Obviously, this created a rather painful life. But through recovery and the process of healing, and that means continual practice, continual auditing of my experiences, continual checking in and continual research, I’ve gotten so much better.

What’s important for me to remember, and for others who are working on their boundaries too, is- if you grew up in an abusive situation or one that demanded co-dependency, or self-sacrificing behaviors, or people pleasing, boundaries are going to feel so uncomfortable. But know that boundaries differ from person to person, so never let someone else’s lack of boundaries make you feel like you don’t deserve boundaries around a certain thing.

For example, I’ve never liked it when predatory men feel entitled to touch me randomly- and I mean, people I do not know, people I do not want to know. I remember one particular incident when I was at a party as a girl in my early 20’s with a few friends and a man who I did NOT invite into my space in any way, sat down next to me and put his hands all over me. I said to him, “Do NOT touch me” and he went to my friends (at the time) and complained about me, and then put his hands on them which in their relationship with the world, was completely acceptable (it’s funny how in a lot of people’s world’s, this is acceptable- more on that in a separate blog post). In retrospect, obviously I see this man for who he is- an entitled creep- but at the time because my friends had different boundaries and I was indirectly shamed, I felt bad for setting that boundary. BUT as I said, boundaries differ. Other people might think it’s permissible but that doesn’t mean anything about your boundaries and comfort level!!

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In the process of forming healthy boundaries, you’ll inevitably also create walls. This is sort of like a pendulum swinging from no boundaries, to walls, and then you eventually meet somewhere in the middle. This is perfectly okay. Just notice when you build walls, and know that it’s actually out of self-protection. As you start developing a healthier, more trusting relationship with the world, the walls soften invariably.

Another thing I constantly encounter is the fear of hurting the other person. I’m very sensitive to the feelings of others and sometimes it feels more painful for someone else to experience rejection than myself, so out of habit I’ll put myself in the position of sacrificing something, or giving something up. This happened very unconsciously, and it’s something I notice that a lot of empaths do. We don’t want other people to be in pain. But in the end, we end up being the ones in pain. With regard to this one, it’s good to consciously notice when and where you do this, and recognize that in sparing someone else rejection, you’re projecting on them your own fear/pain of rejection. It’s good to get clear on this and work on this in yourself, and once you work through this, you’ll see it shifting from your relationship with other people. Meaning, when you’re okay with rejection and no longer take it personally, you won’t assume that other people take it personally. Also remember that you have the right to take care of yourself! You’re responsible for you, meaning, when you need to say no, SAY NO!

At present, I’m noticing that I still have a slight issue when it comes to certain types of people who ask me invasive questions. I for some reason feel the need to answer even if it’s rude, inappropriate, or questionable. I do notice that I feel uncomfortable, but the discomfort is less than when I think about how uncomfortable it might be to say, “I don’t want to answer that question,”- but, as with any portion of learning boundaries, it’s important to 1. recognize where you’re giving your power away, 2. take a moment when you feel that discomfort 3. realize you do have the right to assert your needs.

Hope this helps <3