Unconscious defenses pile up- that's just the way maturation goes. We learn to accumulate pain as reminders to not get hurt again. We learn to disconnect, to compartmentalize, yet what's striking is that we weren't always this way, were we?
There was a time and a place when I was open to all experiences without judgments, without assumptions of, "this won't work" or rules of "how it's supposed to go"
What ends up happening is that we stop allowing ourselves to be human. To make mistakes. To step outside the box. We also stop letting other people be human too. One wrong move and they're written off. Or, we never truly let them close to us. We close our hearts before they can get inside even if physically we're with them. We can be near them, but yet, we can feel like we're in the other room. We withdraw to self-protect, dodge issues and avoid confrontation.
We stop allowing ourselves to feel our true feelings for fear of being vulnerable. Because if we're vulnerable, if we just jump in, we might get destroyed all over again. We might be labeled naive, or worse yet, "emotional", and then where did all that experience go that taught us to be "wiser"?
However, we then deprive ourselves of the experience of being alive. That's what we came here for anyway, isn't it? To experience the whole range of "humanness" including emotions, positive and negative. Instead of allowing our minds to naturally go to the what ifs, to the can't, shoulds and possible outcomes, why don't we just live in the present and enjoy it for what it is? And the knowledge it can bring us about ourselves? We attract just what we need in the present moment, and you might be surprised what some of the people we are resonating the most with at present can show us, to help us move forward.
It's a choice. No one can ever get close to us unless we let them, and we can choose to slowly peel away the layers so that we can be truly connected, because deep down that's what we all need.