Fine Line

As someone who’s been on a spiritual path for the last 10 years I’ve worked with many spiritual healers of different varieties driven by my need to understand, learn and grow both personally and professionally.

In my current synthesis of these experiences I can say that there’s a very fine line of spiritualism and mental illness. Sometimes, people in the spiritual domain will mask their unaddressed mental illnesses/delusions with concepts of spiritualism and that is NOT a path you want to walk.

There are also many quadrants in which intense codependency is masked as “unity consciousness”, as a boundary-less, martyring, serving virtues which are much less than that.

I’ll give you an example: I once worked with a shaman for many years who I’d only worked with because I saw results from working with her- meaning, this wasn’t just some faith based healing, but empirical result driven reasoning. I put up with her lack of boundaries- she was constantly preaching how we are “one” and how we cannot have boundaries- but what this did was serve her in a strange way in the long run, because I felt, as her client as time went on, that I wasn’t allowed to have boundaries with her for fear of being “bad” or “less spiritual”. What this was was not just lack of professionalism, but truly high level covert narcissism masked as “I’m so good, I’m always in a position of selfless serving and that is spiritual which should be your value system too. I have less boundaries because I am more spiritually developed than you,” but what I found was it was actually entitlement upon deeper examination. It pulled you into this nebulous framework of guilt. She also had VERY strange assertions that were unchecked- granted, she did have some very good intuitive insights, but it was mixed in with these outlandish claims in which she herself couldn’t distill truth from insanity.

I used to also book a certain service, but when she’d arrive at my home she’d not only go HOURS over just lecturing me, but also NOT give me the service that I booked because her “intuition” told her to give me something else “I needed” without my consent. At the time I thought, oh I should be grateful she’s being so generous with her time, but I realize upon retrospect that it was again, a high level narcissistic behavior in which this person would just monologue because they needed to be listened to. None of the advice I asked for, none of it helpful, all of it was taking up hours of my time. When I tried to speak she’d cut me off- just to monologue again. In retrospect, it was so out of bounds, so unprofessional, and yet she was highly regarded.

She wasn’t the only one who did this- there were other healers who oddly would make my sessions about themselves- also monologuing for hours.

This field is one in which people who are drawn to it or gifted in some way, most likely had a traumatic past which created in them a strong impetus (and strong gifts) to help others. But it’s one where you HAVE to be discerning enough to choose people who not only can 1. help you, 2. have healed and are operating out of a healthy place that HAS boundaries and is respectful of the human life we live.

What I mean by this is, Okay- I’m aware there’s a spiritual concept of “one-ness” and “unity consciousness” wherein when we die we return to a more massive consciousness and realize we are part of everything. I know people have these spiritual experiences either induced or accidental- but the fact is, we are human beings and we need to be respectful of this temporary state that we are in. We cannot deny that human beings are separate- we are separated by flesh, by place, by time. We are not, in this current form, limitless and infinite. When we die, sure, but we are not dead right now. Nor would it be healthy to bypass this human experience in the pursuit of purely spiritual desires that completely out of body because that’s avoidance.

So, the takeaway is, spirituality and healing, like all spaces can be a mixed bag. There are people with a lot of trauma and a unchecked mental illnesses/personality disorders that are harder to see when it is disguised as spiritual. That’s why there are so many spiritual cults and guru abuse- because energetic and spiritual abuse, narcissism and sociopathy are can easily be concealed. If you just think about it- there are a lot of weaponize-able spiritual beliefs, for instance:

  1. the idea that everything you encounter has roots in some part of you- that it’s all mirrored

  2. our experience is a simulation

If you’ve been in the spiritual field at all, you’ve 99% heard of one of these “doctrines”- these are perfectly convenient for abusive situations. For #1, if someone does harm to you, it’s a massive gaslight and a strategy of mental abuse to blame shift it onto the person who is victimized in the situation and say, oh, that’s because it’s reflecting something inside of you!!! You’re the bad guy!! I mean, this is nothing more than the narcissistic cheater who blame shifts to their innocent partner and blames them for cheating when they are the one cheating themselves or claiming that person is crazy for having these thoughts.

#2. This takes away the culpability of our actions. If we believe that we are not experiencing true reality, then we cannot empathize properly with another person because they are but a “character” in our video game that we can choose to maneuver however we want. If we believe that everything is a simulation, then nothing can have the weight of intentionality and accountability. This is a sociopathic set up.

Past Lives

As souls, when we “plan” our life lessons for the following incarnation, we will usually have one dominant theme that we plan on learning. We also might have other smaller themes as well.

In the most simplistic sense, whatever it is that we are exploring, we’ll find that we incarnate in the absence of that very thing. That is how we find it.

For example, someone who has chosen to explore “Faith” might incarnate into a community or family that has very little of it. “Hope” might express similarly.

As souls, we often choose the harder path because that’s what we see as opportunity for learning. Most times, if we choose harder lives we ascend faster. That’s why older souls might elect for lives that are filled with poverty and hardship. From a human lens, what we see as “undesirable” in terms of lives, is actually the path of wealth to a soul. Materiality means very little to the soul, because that’s the only impermanence.

From a human lens, it might seem more logical to say, well if I’m exploring a theme of power then shouldn’t I be given a life where I have substantial power? I think it’s a very human ego thing to want things to be given instead of earning, as per the soul. For example, I remember once reading someone’s account of prayer/asking for the universe. She said, be careful what you ask for because it might be given in a way that you didn’t foresee- her example was, she asked for strength, and she then got very tumultuous events in her life and she didn’t understand why. Upon reflection, she realized that when she asked for strength, the universe gave her the very obstacles to cultivate her own.

The adage that we get only what we can handle holds true- older souls get more difficult challenges because through those we expand. If we wanted a cushy life, we’d reap very little benefit from it on a spiritual level, even if our human incarnation in that life is satisfied. Souls do find that human lives are perhaps the most challenging because there’s so much duality. For human egos/minds, duality is a difficult concept- for all the light in the world, there is also so much darkness. It is also true that for your first few lives, especially the first one, “they” and they refers to the specific kind of guide that works with you between lives called “elders” will give you lives that are like training wheels- so many children of celebrities who have substantial means and very little hardship are typically first timers. But from there, resources lessen, or, if you get a very materially wealthy and high status life, you may be fraught with other more difficult challenges. Royalty, for example, is usually not a place where new souls enter because there are many difficult dynamics that most people have very little preparation for.

As you get to the end of your lives, most “last timers” will get a wish fulfillment life wherein the first part is focused on karmic clearing, tying up loose ends which is rife with challenges, but upon completion the rest of the life operates as a reward, but is also fulfilling a spiritual mission. An example would be someone like JK Rowling who I can sense on the soul level is on her last life. Some souls that have completed all of their lives might even choose to come back as a “volunteer” soul to usher in change- someone who I sense is doing this is Angelina Jolie- she’s in essence, working as a benefactor to the world and needs an exceptional platform to do so.

10-Series Testimonial

Working with Gigi and to watch her bloom into her next phase in life, a phase of life marked by independence and spiritual sovereignty is so wonderful. Our “meeting” was marked by tons of synchronicity and resonant symbols. It’s very common for the highly gifted- spiritually speaking, to be born into systems that don’t support us, and part of our spiritual journey comes from liberating ourselves from the past so we can move forward in all ways as a pure being, unrestrained by the energy and the conditioning of our systems past.

Sometimes we are told certain things about ourselves and we learn to believe them to play our “part” in the dysfunction of those around us. It can impinge on our own belief about ourselves and our capabilities, when in reality it is not true- it is just a learned behavior to stay “in-group”. Of course these parts are not always easiest to recognize, nor are they to heal and release. That’s where I come in.

“It feels like an impossible task to even begin to put into words the kind of experience or impact this 10 series had on me/my life...so impossible it's funny.

I have been in and out of therapy for a decade, I've read almost every lauded self-help and spirituality book that exists, but it wasn't until the sessions Maria helped facilitate did I start to feel like I could actually see myself for the first time....ever! in my whole life.

i feel changed. i feel like a me that finally is on her way to a life i knew i always felt could be mine but i felt soooo far away from. and didn't understand why. and didn't know how to get closer. maria helps you bridge those gaps.

there was and continues to be SO MUCH about myself i didn't know. it isn't a cure all, this work is continuous and life long. but i feel like the forest has cleared a bit and i can see a path AND i'm excited to walk it and even tho i am alone, i feel for the first time, capable, unafraid, and excited.

i don't know. if you're feeling called to this work and you're looking for assurance that this will mean something or make an impact...i don't know if i or anyone can really give you that but it meant a lot to me. it made a huge impact on me. i feel closest to myself than i have ever been and this work + therapy has been doing wonders for my ability to show up for myself and create a life i love and don't want to escape from,”

Coronavirus

People keep asking how I feel about COVID- and the truth is, initially I wasn’t afraid from the immunity POV- but as the reality set in when I saw how much it affected my life and my friend’s lives, I became very stressed. But that is what makes us susceptible. That is what compromises our immune system.

From a 3D perspective, I was devastated. My life for the next few weeks were solid as I had planned them to be- lots to be excited about and things were falling into place. Then everything came to a halt

As the emails started piling in about shut downs every 10 minutes and work was cancelled, as the news got worse and worse, I knew that I needed to shift my mental, emotional, energetic state- and I did that by implementing intensive self care. What does my self care look like?

  • Face masks! I just love these!

  • Qi Gong

  • Meditation

  • Yoga

  • Jacuzzi time!

  • Epsom salt bath/using it on your chakras in the shower

  • Learning (reading/podcasts)

  • EFT

  • JOURNALING EXTENSIVELY

  • Ginger tea!

And then, after 4 hours, I reached a state of peace. Oddly, what I noticed is I had no interest in reaching out to anyone (which arguably, we’re doing a lot of right now, seeking comfort, sharing woes, getting our social needs met) because I felt so content and well- and again, that’s our choice isn’t it. We can’t control our external circumstances, but we can choose how we feel about it and what we do.

Admittedly there was a sense of guilt that was plaguing me. How dare I feel well when everyone else feels awful about this, and how can I feel well in light of all of this? Well, that’s the best thing we can do, because negativity spreads faster. We want to be the beacons of light that show and grant other people the permission to feel just as empowered right now, despite what we might be facing.

Today, I spent the day sorting through what viruses live within- metaphorically speaking, and not. External circumstances can lead to heavy re-evaluation of the internal, at least I choose to see them this way- and I saw lingering belief patterns that don’t serve me, as well as people that are in my life that have toxic traits. As I got further into this today, I suddenly had a vision of a child, who was clearly below poverty lines, crying, so scared. That affected me profoundly.

I started to realize how self-absorbed the people who exhibit toxic traits are, and that I’d still permitted in my life were, and how that was taking away valuable bandwidth from my life and energy that I could be using to help people who were truly in need. Not to mention, I started to see that I was self absorbed by thinking so much of them, when I could have been using the time and energy I invested in them, or struggled with them, for the higher good. All of those people who are stuck in victim mentality have homes, food, employment, and more. A lot more than they need, yet it’s not enough to them- and here I was feeling helpless in the world because I felt I didn’t have enough to help on the level I wanted- but I realized that couldn’t stop me from contributing what I have right now and bypassing my fears about my future. Because it’s possible those are unfounded, and as quickly as things went downhill, they could go uphill again- we just never know.

Someone asked me today what my takeaway from all of this is, and that answer was:

  1. I see people clearer now- people show their true natures in times of crisis

  2. that I have unwavering faith in the universe and in spirit.

Sometimes point 2 is all we need to be reminded of.

When it got really bad, on Thursday, I sensed so much-

For those of you not into esoteric concepts, this is a good place to stop! For those of you tuned into higher dimensions, here you go:

I’ve felt so much energy- positive, protective energy around me. I’ve seen many many benevolent guides around me, and they seem to be reminding me and supporting me through this. I know that if I’m experiencing this, I’m not the only one.

This reminds me of two times I had an ego death- I had just as many benevolent spirits popping in to say hello- and I was reminded that fear is of the ego, and control is of the ego, and that if we surrender, we’re in good hands.

I know that there are horrible times and I’m not at all belittling the negative impact of this- but I do also know that when there’s something like this, there are good things that come of it too- and I feel hope, because I truly truly feel it.

And in the mean time I’ll do my part and contribute what I can, including researching ways I can volunteer. Because the gift from all of this is free time. But the choice is up to us what we do with it. It’s also our choice what vibration we want to be in.