Love and Male/Female Energies

We hear this all the time: to attract love you have to love yourself


The prerequisite to loving oneself is a sense of wholeness. When we are scattered, when we disown parts of ourself, and we create separation within, we are actively NOT loving ourselves. The process of integration is the process of falling in love with oneself. And wholeness is what attracts wholeness.

When we are seeking externally that which we don't have inside, that's when we run into issues with our ego, our insecurity and our repetitive patterns. That's what we have, as Freud would call it, repetition compulsion. And even if that "love" fulfills itself, which isn't even the end goal unconsciously (unconsciously it's to play out and resolve a trauma, we just think consciously that we're seeking love) it becomes an immature love. Most of the time it's quite simple. When we don't love ourselves, we're actively looking for love out there. But how is this really possible in an increasingly high stakes arena? We're all so de-personalized as a society when it comes to dating, we swipe people. We ghost. 

The issue with making other people give us what we don't give ourselves is that we create codependency which naturally is not healthy. We end up making the other person responsible for our needs, and that is parasitic. Mature love functions in a state of harmony where both people are responsible for themselves so they have more to give one another from a genuine place of giving, not as an obligation.

The problem here is that most people mistake obligation for love. Think about how many times you've felt obligated for friends or family and recognize that that might be telling you something is inherently unhealthy in the relationship. Because within a truly positive and healthy framework, even the most mundane things are things you WANT to do for the other person not because you feel like you HAVE to. Not to mention if we do have healthy relationships and therefore healthy boundaries, no one would pressure or guilt you into something you don't want to do. Therefore obligation cannot possibly exist.

In this vein it's important to look at male and female energies. In no way is this to do with expressed gender- male and female energies are a natural part of all of us just like yin yang and the elements. The issue with our current society is that we are forced into imbalance. We are forced to express only one or the other, or have highly exaggerated male energies AND we largely live in an unconscious and weakened energetic state. What I mean by this is internally, reaching a place of non-binary is essential. That's why the ascended masters all had a rather androgynous way of expression. Even if externally you are cis gendered, it's important to understand how both M/F energies are fine tuned within. Because again, if we have a lack of male energy within, we'll seek that male energy outside of us but usually in the unconscious form and vice versa. 

Example: If someone is heavily skewed towards the feminine, but the feminine is not well cultivated/conscious because the masculine is disowned, then this person will likely seek out very authoritative "strong" male and unconscious energies that end up being domineering towards her

It's difficult to integrate and develop both energies and bring them into the conscious because our society has been so heavily skewed towards the unconscious masculine energy and to a weakened feminine energy. Not to mention, women have been programmed to disown their own feminine energies because it is believed to be "weak" and lean towards masculine energies to survive in the work place. Think about it. Why is there so much shame surrounding a woman's menstrual cycle? Why is it that women have so much trouble conceiving in this current time? Why are there so many cases of breast and ovarian cancer? Why are we all skewed towards the rational masculine side of the brain and being right handed is the norm? Even the most subtle expectations skew our balance. We as humans are sensitive beings, we have just learned to disown that too. "We" in the general sense, not you and I :)

The divine, conscious expression of both of those energies is something very different. It exudes a strength, not an insecurity. Luckily, with the current planetary energies, men are learning to open their hearts and accept the divine feminine within. Women are learning to empower their feminine energies too and change the perception of feminine energies as weak (both polarities are weak in their unconscious and underdeveloped form, of course-- and no matter how domineering the unconscious masculine is, it is still weak because all of that bravado is a display of insecurity and acknowledgement of weakness. All that forcing is going to break them not to mention, solar plexus chakra focused power over others mentality cannot survive in our Aquarian heart centered, power of love mentality). With this comes a new understanding of what it means to embody masculine/feminine.


A Complement to Therapy

Energy healing and hypnosis are complementary to traditional therapy. Why?

Through my personal experience with many different types of therapy, I came to find that although it is a very useful tool for self understanding and behavior modification the maojrity of therapy is oriented towards the rational mind.

The rational mind has all sorts of ego defenses used to obscure the core of the issue- we rationalize, intellectualize every which way in order to convince ourselves of certain "truths" which really just obscures the truth. Therapy is amazing at getting the rational mind under control and providing the basis of motivation, and that's where hypnosis can then target the subconscious mind, core issue to eradicate it. Energy healing then resets all of your energetic patterns, putting you back into balance. 

I use the analogy of the pyramid often. Say you're trying to soak the entire pyramid. Therapy is like soaking the pyramid from the base, meanwhile hypnosis is like saturating the pyramid from the tip. If you do both at once then you achieve your goal much quicker. Add in energy healing and you have a polished, impeccable pyramid.

Energy Cords

We establish energy cords with those we interact with. They get stronger the closer we become, or some, like those connecting us to family are inherently strong.

The energy cord explains why as you become close to someone, you often will think of them and see that they've texted you. By thinking of them, you're pulling on the cord and the other person feels this. 

Not all cords are healthy. Ideally there is a symbiotic union so energy is being evenly exchanged. But sometimes we have people who drain us, or people who send us toxic energy through these cords. Be vigilant about how you feel when you think of, or interact with a person to know how their cord is affecting you. To manage this, we uncord the other person.

There are exceptions: sometimes we cannot uncord from someone no matter how hard we try because they haven't yet completed their karmic contract with us. This means there is more to learn in the relationship and once the lesson is completed we naturally uncord them. 

However, many times people plug in cords just to drain our energy or to hurt us and in those cases we can and should absolutely uncord the person no matter how close to us they are. It often times feels like hooks being pulled out of us usually in our solar plexus chakra but they can also exist in other places depending on our relationship with that person. For instance, if we share a mental connection it is probably from the crown chakra; a sexual connection, probably from the sacral chakra; a romantic connection, probably from the heart chakra. To tell where it is, close your eyes and visualize the other person, then feel out where on your body the energy is coming from. 

What happens after you uncord them? You'll often see that they reach out immediately. Other times they just... vanish even though they used to contact you a lot!

Just know that you deserve to have your energy for yourself and for those you choose to share with. For those who abuse this and try to take your energy it is unfair. They need to learn how to generate their own supply which everyone can and uncording them is a form of self-care.

When We Heal Others

We heal ourselves.

Sometimes I am so drawn to help someone and feel that they're put on my path for that very reason. There's no direct pay off whatsoever and many seeing it from this perspective would feel that I function at an extreme loss- since I do give my life energy when I heal. I'm purely driven by the instinct to help because I can.

Subconsciously you already register commonalities that won't become apparent to the conscious mind for much longer. Like attracts like meaning you won't match with someone who doesn't have something in common with you. Moreover, for empaths who absorb the feelings of others, besides having a subconscious belief that leads to this, you absorb only what is still matching you.

And when choosing healers, often times this subconscious mechanism happens as well. You just know who can help you and who can't. Many people who approach me for healing are those who struggle with obstacles I've overcome without knowing at all we share those patterns. 

I used to feel upset because I would take on the negative energy and issues of others- but what I realized is once we do accept that we still match with those energies and they bring out the same dense energies/memories trapped within us from years ago, they're ready to be released.


Trance is a naturally occurring state. It is argued that before we enter what we know as "Trance", we already are walking around in trance.

Think about the ways we self soothe and numb ourselves- we watch TV, we binge eat. We do these things mindlessly because why? It's almost like we put ourselves in trance to cope.

What are we coping with?

From the time we're young and impressionable we're given hypnotic suggestions and brainwashed to believe who we "are". When we grow we are taught by society to act certain ways. Boys don't cry. Girls need to be nice. Then we have a cultural layer. For me, I was conditioned to be submissive because that's what nice Chinese girls are (there's a cultural concept of "guai" which means well-behaved, to do as you're told. It is a cherished trait). Then we have the messages we internalize from our friends, parents (what Freud would call the Ego). You're a messy person, you never finish your work, you're lazy- or on the flip side we get many positive messages as well that may or may not reflect who we truly are.

The act of going into trance electively for the purposes of hypnosis is self-selected. It is an instance of the authentic self choosing to remove those layers of conditioned responses and restrictions. It is the first step to liberation, because in that "trance" state, we can access the subconscious mind in its purity to literally, delete our programming.

The ways you act automatically are conditioned responses. They're not really you.

Don't you want to know who you really are?

I bet you'd like you if you got to know you. I know I already do.


Why Invest in Energetic Maintenance?

Energetic maintenance is not only an investment in yourself, but in those around you.

Our energetic imprints create our reality and set our boundaries. Notice the patterns in your life? Why do you keep attracting the same types of relationships with people, money, housing, friends, etc? Objectively, how come other people have patterns that aren't similar to yours at all? The answer is it's all in the energy they're sending out.

We develop an idea that we need to work harder to change those habits but really, some of it can be changed effortlessly through healing our energy. When we heal our energy, our whole world transforms, and then that impacts everyone in our lives positively.

Before I had my own energy healing, I would've scoffed at the idea of routine energetics. But now, I've put myself on a routine of shamanic healing, acupuncture (so I can address energy centers and meridians at once), detoxing (regular visits to an infrared sauna, colonics, massages, high endurance workouts) and on average two hours of meditation a day. I barely drink and my diet is vegetarian and healthy. It is a lot of time and money I put towards this and it is worth it because when you invest in yourself, you send a message to the world that you matter. And when you invest in your energy, because you're also investing in others and the world at large, you get back your investment tenfold or more. That is the way energy works- the universe will always support you if you're making wise decisions that contribute to the greater good. The stronger your energy, the more good you can do.

Before my life changed, I kept repeating the same patterns and beating myself up about it, spending so much time trying to work it out, seeking help in all the wrong places. Nothing seemed to change. And now, my life is completely different. My old self-defeating patterns vanished. I don't even have to say a word. My energy does the work for me and attracts just what I need when I need it. It self sustains- the more work I put in, the more disciplined I am towards my own healing, the more expansive and abundant my life becomes. 

The truth is counterintuitive. When things seem difficult- do less. Tune in more.

Remember that paradoxically by not taking care of yourself, you are being selfish. You can only take care of others if you take care of yourself. Why do they tell you on the plane to put your mask on first before you secure masks onto others? Think about it.





The single key measure of life satisfaction is GRATITUDE.

Watch how someone reacts when you give them a gift. The happy, fulfilled person will be grateful even if what you give them isn't a lot. 

The entitled person discards the gift or finds some reason albeit subtle, to belittle it. They might even demand more.

Then generalize this attitude to every object, person and circumstance in that person's life to see how they see their own lives. 

Then understand this is exactly how they feel about themselves. The first person is at peace. The second person feels nothing is ever enough.

Neutral Mind

The neutral mind is the 3rd mind, and the mind that we strive for.

The negative mind is the first mind. It is the one that assesses situations based on fear. It develops because it helps us survive. 

The positive mind is the second mind. It is the one that gives us joy, the rose tinted glasses. It develops to help us see the bright side. Without hope, we stop striving.

The neutral mind is where these two minds converge so that we have an accurate perception of pros and cons for making every choice. With the neutrality, we are distanced, objective, and realistic

However, I argue that our idea of realism as a society is skewed towards the negative. Mostly skeptics and pessimists will tell you you're not realistic when you're optimistic. Realism in our current view keeps our expectations down so that we don't get disappointed. Our current anchor of realism is not where it should fall. Where it should fall is in neutrality where we have perspective.



I remember being a teenager and reading The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle.

It was back then I began reading self-help books in my spare time, seeking education and help. I knew there was something wrong with how I felt and what I dealt with, but living in that reality and being told it was 100% normal doesn't allow that perspective.

It was like being in Plato's Cave

If you're unfamiliar with the Allegory of the Cave, essentially Plato likens existence to people living their lives in a cave, watching shadows cast on the wall. Because of their limited perspective, they believe this is the world. 

The Power of Now struck me hard and I still remember the passage today even though it's been countless years since I've read it. It was about how Tolle came to be. What I mean is, when he embodied consciousness and surrendered to his Spirit. He described it as a moment of darkness sitting on a park bench and he thought the world had ended. He thought he was dying, his reality was caving in. Then the next morning it was akin to the first day of his entire life. He could finally see.

I truly believe that there's a part of us that already knows everything we are going to experience. As esoteric spiritual teachings tell us, our souls write a plan for every lesson we agree to experience in our life. We not only have this contract with ourselves, but we also have them with others. We enter into a soul contract with other people who serve a mutual purpose on our journey. It explains why, even though you may be encountering 500 people a day, you only resonate with a select few. 

That part of me both knew and had NO idea what I was about to experience. I didn't think that spiritual awakening would be something on my radar, but there must be a reason why I remembered for all those years the first time I encountered a description of it. I would never have imagined this is what I would become, to have my reality shifted entirely in the past 5 months, to have rebuilt myself from inside out. But being out of that cave for once is the most I could ever ask for.

A long time ago I ran into a palm reader. The skeptic, rational side of me dismissed it, but the intuitive part, and my heart, heard it loud and clear. I asked her why my life line was so short.

"Look here," she said, pointing to a line that extended below my life line. "It breaks off but continues here. You're going to live your life one way and then drastically change and live it a new way,"

I did not know that what she was showing me was my awakening.  


Since I was young, I was captured by Kill Bill. I tend to love narratives about growing into ones' strength and identity. Lady Vengeance is another one that explores similar themes.

Anyway, the last scene always struck me. Her tears were so complex yet I couldn't quite understand what they meant. Superficially, it could be read that Beatrix is just sad after Bill's demise. They had a complex, loving and intense relationship after all. However, I read it as so much more. The tension invited my curiosity for many years.

There's grief, there's turmoil, yet there's GRATITUDE. It's a storm of emotions releasing at once. Do you see? It's catharsis. This great mystery of expression resonated. And I didn't figure out why until today, at 1:11. It was like an angel dropped the answer into my mind. 

In Tibetan Buddhist tapestries, Buddha is always in the center. Below Buddha are what look like, upon first glance, demons. However, they're actually called "Protectors", people put on Buddha's path so that he can overcome, grow and learn from the experience. They are in fact, antagonists.

The people who are our "enemies" teach us the most about ourselves.

Bill is, was, Beatrix's nemesis. He put her through hell and committed brutal acts of violence towards her. He took away her chance at a normal life. Because she has so much hate in her heart for him, her vengeance is what drives the entire narrative. HOWEVER, it is important to see it from a broader point of view. Bill knew who Beatrix was. He tells her at the end, "you are a born killer,"

When Beatrix ran away from her career as an assassin and found a new life in Texas where she would get married and raise her daughter in normalcy and peace, Her abandonment drove Bill mad, so he hunted her down. Essentially, Beatrix was running away out of fear: fear that her killer nature was incompatible with her social role as a mother.

Through everything after, he tested her limits time and time again, showing her her true strength and resilience. By the end, Beatrix redeems not only her daughter, but a life in which she could be the killer she was too. Through testing her, Bill gave Beatrix a gift: he allowed her to get in touch with her true nature, one that she denied. He allows her to integrate nurturer with killer, though initially they seemed at conflict. She's crying because she recognizes this. 

This dawned on me today as I truly recognized the value of my childhood. I've struggled with many different emotions during my own healing process including anger, resentment, guilt, then neutrality. Today, I finally reached the peak: gratitude. By placing the obstacles in my path, my own parents, especially my mother, gave me purpose. As a born healer, they gave me a reason to heal. It does not by any means justify their abuse as I am still not in contact with them because I do not condone their treatment of me. Instead, it helps me recognize the meaning behind my trauma. It gave me insight, it gave me experience, and it gave me not only the capacity, but the depth to empathize with the people I encounter. They allowed me to get in touch with a part of the human condition I wouldn't have been exposed to otherwise. They let me redeem myself.

Had it not been what I went through, perhaps I'd be very different today, with little ability to access and little desire to do what I love most, now.

And very often, on this spiritual path, I find that my greatest hurdles are also great gifts. They point me towards what still needs to heal so that I can move forward.

xo M