Why No Zoom/Skype?

I used to have to explain why I only work remotely until everything became remote. But now, I want to clarify why it is that my sessions are done over the phone/email/energetically.

I know, there is a desire to actually see the other person. So much is communicated in body language, and so much empathy can be felt through seeing someone visually. It dawned on me that the people I know so intimately in my healing practice I may walk down the street and not even recognize because we’ve been working together entirely without seeing one another.

I used to LOVE seeing people in person. It was so rewarding. But the truth of the matter is, I am a super-empath and highly sensitive to stimulus. That’s part of my gift, in that I’m able to detect even the subtlest of energetic shifts and hear/see/feel things imperceivable by the majority of people. When I’m speaking to someone and seeing them whether in person or via zoom/skype, there are multiple streams of stimulus which can prove to be quite challenging and burn me out quicker. Like other intuitives, these sessions require a LOT of energy. I recently found one medium who said that each session is the equivalent of running a 5k. This is true. I can only take a few sessions per week otherwise I will feel like I cannot even move. Think about how “normal” people function- they tune into the visual cues, the auditory cues, etc.. the processing all of this to make meaning and then respond to it- well, imagine you’re doing that AND firing up all your clairs- so on top of the visual cues, you have to be on top of your clairvoyant space as well as be the interpreter for what you’re gathering etc.. It is double, triple, and registering all of this is a complex and taxing process. Not to mention, being the intermediary between the spirit and human world is something to consider as a process, too. Also, I’m an introvert- not exactly energized by interactions.

In order to deal with this I eliminate a few levels of stimulus so I can tap in very directly to your energy. Also, they say that psychics/intuitives can pick up a lot from body language— well, if we eliminate that, then you also know that everything I pick up from you I would have no other way of knowing. I am just feeling it from your energy/body and reading it from your energy. And, sometimes when I’m in clairvoyant space or feeling things through you, my eyes water. Some of my sessions are back to back so I just don’t think it’s a good look to come into the sessions with mascara dripping down my face.

In person takes a real toll on a healer, btw. Some healers can handle it because they may not be as sensitive as me, but the energy exchange was much too steep for me. As an empath sometimes I can be like a sponge, and everything I absorbed from being in person with another person’s energy field took me so long to eliminate. I don’t know where I would be if I continued in person work— that was really hard on my body, mind and soul. There are some sessions that put me in bed for several days. It’s a lot more labor than you would ever imagine it to be.

So that’s why- I sacrifice the connection we can build face to face for a cleaner handle on your energy. I also had this thought, for me, it’s easier to divulge more intimate details to someone over the phone because it feels a little more anonymous. Like, in relationships it’s always been easier for me to discuss harder topics and communicate by phone because it gave me more space for my thought processes. If it isn’t just me, then that’s an added benefit.

Nobody Knows

Is the title of one of my favorite films of all time, which I watched for the first time when I was 15. Also, nobody knows via my healing practice how into films I am. This is 1000% non healing related, I know, that’s new (but it is inner-child related, therefore healing). But I wanted to share this because this film, as brutal as it is to watch, really reminds me of the simple moments in life that brought me so much joy as a little child. Brief spoiler alert: these kids are abandoned by their mom, they have no money and no way of knowing when/if she’ll come back. Yet, they revel in each other’s company and still find ways to experience the world. The film is shot from a child’s perspective- pure and nonjudgmental.

As a child, I never thought about the next thing I had to do, I never had a care in the world except what was immediately experienced- the joy I would have discovering the world for the first time. Every single thing was approached curiously, with wonder.

I think we can all benefit from being reminded of it. As adults our lives become so burdened by responsibility. By “the next thing”. It’s hard for me to be here for this thing. I lost touch with the simple things. But, if we can appreciate the simplicity of life, that’s how we can truly live it.

I had a breakthrough very recently where I felt so in touch with gratitude that I spontaneously started crying. It’s really hard for me to cry. I realized that I can be so focused on finding a miracle when the miracle is that I am alive right now. That I have this body, and this body can make contact with this physical world we live in and discover it all again.

Emergence

Sometimes I channel certain things in sessions that are new to my present consciousness, but yet some part, the deepest part, I’ve known forever. It’s very interesting, this being human, how we have our “firsts” when really they’re not firsts after all, just the first time in this life.

This happened in a remote reiki session 2 days ago. The first word I heard, as if yelled at me, was “emergence”

I’ve never technically heard this word used in relationship to any spiritual concepts, for instance like a word such as karma, or awakening is so tied to spirituality that it holds a certain anchored meaning. I know the word remembrance, I started to remember what that meant in concrete spiritual terms. For those who don’t, it’s the process by which we awaken to our divinity, to the remembering of the vastness of our soul. For me, when I awakened, I had visceral emotional reactions when I saw ancient tapestries and I recognized them. I had nostalgia, a deep, guttural flutter that told me it was not my first time witnessing them. I was there at their time of creation.

It dawned on me to look up this word in terms of spirituality and this is what I found. So yes, it does have meaning, and it blew me away. They indicate that this process should have proper support— it’s interesting to gain context and descriptions for the work that I do without prior knowledge that this is what I was doing— I’ve helped clients integrate, understand, parse out and heal throughout this convoluted, complicated process of spiritual emergence. It is a beautiful, beautiful, challenging and rewarding process. I hope that this post opens doors as opposed to giving any answers, as a new possibility unfolds in my consciousness after understanding what this means in concrete 3D language.

In my understanding and experience, the spiritual awakening is the first step to a spiritual life- it’s when the kundalini energy connects root to crown for the first time and divinity enters. This is the first stage of remembrance, but remembrance is a continual process that spans a lifetime. The deeper you go with your soul, the more you remember of yourself and the world. You remember past lives, then the lives between lives, and you see glimpses of the future lives too.

There is only one major, cataclysmic spiritual awakening, yet it can feel like in the process of emergence that there are multiple small tremors of awakenings. These are usually accompanied by ego deaths in which parts of your ego go into full resistance and have to die In order to allow more of the soul self to emerge. These can feel brutal, but they happen once in a while as new parts are sloughed off and they often come with full surrender into a fearful state, and then a sudden surrender into connectedness and release.

A dark night of the soul happens during the spiritual awakening, in fact it’s a necessary stage. It’s a cumulative process of sometimes years, in which the soul/human journey through extreme darkness until one day a MAJOR part of you “dies” in order to allow the awakening. I do feel that ego deaths are more minor, they happen in conjunction with the dark night of the soul but as “they” are telling me now, the dark night of the soul is a rite of passage. Most of us only have 1, and some of us have 2 at a much later stage of spiritual progress.

Emergence is by far the most difficult thing because unlike the others which have a drastic turnover, emergence is a continual process with no definitive beginning or end. I thought that it did, but “they” are correcting me as I channel them now. We are in a continual stage of emergence.

My Healing Journey

I’m writing this because I noticed that in the last testimonial I posted, there was a mention that there is no self-aggrandizement in my work. I really felt particularly grateful that this was noticed because I think this in itself takes a lot, a lot of refinement, understanding and measured work. Today it feels necessary to explain what this all means, and the healer’s healing journey because without previous experience, this one insight may elude you as it did, me.

My first few healers were very much all about, ‘your process began when you met ME” or all the descriptions about why someone was super powerful or all knowing or superior to me in some way. In fact, one of my healers said to me, verbatim, “I’m strong and they’re weak, because they’re my patients” at the time I was in my mid twenties, new to all of this, I didn’t understand mysticism or metaphysics then, and so I believed.

I also believed in the savior/rescued dynamic that keeps us all trapped in pitfalls of misery as humans. I thought that these people fixed me, saved me, I completely wrote myself out of the equation. I gave my power away.

Because of these early exposures, I do in fact make sure that everyone in my practice is reminded of their own power. That I’m not saving, fixing or rescuing. I find these steps to be fundamental to healing, because how else can we rise in our own power and sovereignty if we do not first believe ourselves to be capable and independent? It is the very FOUNDATION. If someone takes that foundation away from the first moment you start building a foundation for yourself, which has happened to me in my childhood and in my healing journey, then it is very bad news.

I look at and read over old testimonials that I wrote where I’m delighted by my practitioners (and granted, a few of them, very few, were very good healers) who I believed were beyond my power, or attribute things to them that they “fixed” that were wrong with me. And I shudder. These beliefs didn’t come from me, they came from people telling me, themselves.

I spent years in some turmoil about this, on one hand I do feel that there were particular people who were very helpful in my healing course, but I reflect back as a healer myself, and think about the things they said to me and am just.. devastated. I have compassion, because I know that the true healers that are born of this world with our gifts and mission are put through the ringer in early childhood, in ways that can damage someone’s self-esteem for life. A grandiosity is definitely an offshoot of that, and especially in something that later garners a lot of acclaim for that person in particular can trigger this grandiosity that’s just an offshoot of the abuse we endured as children. A lot of us come from narcissistic and sociopathic caregivers where grandiosity is currency.

However, the ones that truly accelerated my path were those that recognized beyond ego. They were the ones who were humble and showed me the way, and showed me that the way was mine.

Someone’s spiritual process, their awakening, does not begin when you meet someone else. It’s already happening, and the timing of meeting can often come down to spiritual contracts or guides who help guide us to others to help us. Someone can surely trigger spiritual growth in someone else, but no one is solely responsible for someone else’s soul timing. Some healers have very keen awareness for when someone is in process, and others, like myself, make myself available to those who seek my help because I trust that souls know their own timing and what it is they need. My soul, my guides, have always led the way for me, and I just want to remind others that just because someone makes the focus of your healing that it is because of their power does not make it so. Did we not learn anything from Cruella (which is an amazing movie by the way!), those who have power don’t talk about it.

Testimonial from a lovely client!!

When I read this testimonial I had tears in my eyes. Being a practitioner who’s been able to track where she started vs where she is now is… remarkable. A lot of this work isn’t something where we can measure it on a scale or use a measuring tape— as in to say, not quantifiable, as it transforms the quality of life, so it’s hard for myself to put it into words, but Karla did it so elegantly. If I could describe her progress in 1 sentence, it’s, she’s connected to her soul now, she’s connected to her power, she’s connected to her essence and she’s integrated all of it (that’s a bit of a run-on, I know- how do you describe the quality of relationship to self and its impact on all other relationships?). I think it goes deeper than either of us imagined.

Let me start by saying this: a little over a year ago, BEFORE starting the journey with Maria, I thought I wouldn't make it out alive. Life was bleak, and my mental and physical bodies were responding by shutting down. I barely had energy to do much other than binge eat and wallow in confusion, depression, and an unwavering fogginess. A perpetual dark hole.

Cut to starting sessions with Maria: slowly, with hard and consistent work (including a lot of introspection and putting new habits into practice), I started to feel lighter, more joyful, and magnetic to joyful opportunities in life. I went from complete lethargy, to moving across continents and exploring new cities with confidence, with joy, a taste for adventure, and my old exuberance back. I was strong enough to set boundaries and reclaim my independence in family, work, and social contexts. I reconnected to myself - and learned more about what drove me to the dark place I was in, as well as how to create a new life that was worth living.

This is not easy work. You're going to have to face yourself, your internal demons, and potentially uncover shadows that you didn't know existed or worked very very hard to suppress. However, I couldn't imagine going through it with any other practitioner. Maria's knowledge is so deep, and so genuine. There is no toxic positivity mindset as is pervasive in this commoditized space of spiritualism. She's real. She is careful with the speed and intensity at which you progress in the journey. There are no false grand schemes of "buy my services and you will be happy". Maria never pushed her services on me, which I felt was very important to experience given insecurities around being taken advantage of. She is versatile - in language, in technique, in communication - and it was truly amazing to see just how tailored her care is to each client.

It truly is hard to write out in words the impact Maria's work has had on my life, or the rare beauty of her skillset - a truly truly remarkable one without self-aggrandizing or pushing your limits for results. If you're curious, I encourage you to try a single session to see for yourself (and be prepared to be blown away).

All I can say is this, today I live life with a deep sense of gratitude, an openness and ease of recognizing the beauty of life and all the in-betweens (whether seemingly simple or magical/other worldly in scale), a warmth in my heart and openness to love (my self, family, colleagues, strangers, Earth, etc), new dreams that feel genuine and authentic to me and my younger self, and above all, a will to live. This last part I never thought I'd experience again.

Trust your gut & try a session.

PS worth mentioning, I've complete 2 x 10 series with Maria. The investment was every bit worth it. I've also had reiki sessions (again - not imposed by something I felt called to do).

Perfectionism

I myself am guilty of perfectionism. There is always an unrealistic standard that I’ve set for myself that I somehow fail to meet. In my mind, it’s realistic because I’ve been exposed to this standard before, it’s not born of nowhere.

I won’t go into the mechanics of how perfectionism is created through upbringing, since many of you already know what goes into this and how it’s modeled.

What this creates in someone who lives with this is a deep fear of “not good enough” and secondly, a developing well of self directed frustration as well as feelings of failure that are semi-repressed. It’s semi-repressed as long as there’s some metric of success that you must score high on. Perfectionism is fear based, and for those of us who’ve lived with it, we’ve turned that fear (and anxiety) into something that motivates.

It was always very conscious for me as a teen and young adult that if I let go of this, and just suddenly realized I was “good enough” that I’d stop trying. I felt that the alternative was apathy, which I have experienced before. I didn’t know what to substitute the fear motivation for, or that there was another form of motivation.

As I’ve grown, I’ve come to face that fragile ego that’s underneath all of this. The one that took in the programming of deep unworthiness. I remember being very young and in situations where I felt failure, how much I couldn’t handle it because it brought out deep shame. In classes that I wasn’t the best, the stakes felt so high and so intolerable. I somehow couldn’t take it in stride like all the other people who were not the best, who were not good. People who could fail at something or not be good at something and not have it affect their sense of self seemed to have a healthy self-esteem that made them know that just because they weren’t good at this thing, they could keep trying and get better. They also knew that just because they weren’t good at this one thing, it didn’t mean that they were flawed as a person. These were thought processes that I didn’t have even if I identified them consciously.

As I’ve gotten older and done a lot of healing and integration, I’ve specifically challenged myself to do all the things that I’m not particularly gifted at. Sure, other people might argue that I’m not that bad, in fact, that maybe I am better than I think (because in my mind I think I am just awful which is a particular trait associated with perfectionism as well- that my assessment of myself always tends to be worse than what’s “real”). What this challenge does is it forces me to grow- it forces me to confront those shadow elements and fear. It shows me that there’s nothing to fear, and to be more lighthearted in my approach- that just because I can’t do a particular jump or my brain isn’t as quick with a quippy response in improv doesn’t mean that the world is ending, which it often felt like it was when there is a perfectionism that is expected of you, and performance is everything. Most importantly, it shows me to have fun which is something I had long been lacking in childhood.

I remember when the darkness of perfectionism hit me the worst, it wasn’t that long ago. My ego was still in control then and it needed above all else to bolster itself from its feelings of inferiority and frailty. So, I chose to only do things that I was the shining star in. And then my world became so limited, my ego was satisfied but my soul wanted more.

Overall, we’re here for the experience. That means, the totality of life that we get to experience in this human form, with this human intelligence. It’s not about good or bad, it’s about how we meet those experiences and what we take away from them. In the end, I’m. not going to care that I was the best in this one class or one thing, because I care more about growth and process, truly. Success of course is important, and I plan to succeed at the things that I’ve chosen, but I’m also learning to re-assess the bar that I set for myself. I want to do my best, not be the best.

Unexpected email

I’ve only worked with this client once in an integrative healing session— full disclosure, I had completely forgotten about our session early last year! He sent me this today:

“You helped me so much during the pandemic. I learned a lot, and you were the catalyst for the breakdown of my attachment to my shell formed due to years of trauma. I want to extend my appreciation. Your words were like the unlocking parts of my mind I was not aware I was avoiding and denying. I want to sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am sending love your way,”

Thank you <3

Testimonial

One of my clients who finished an Integrative Healing 10-series with me recently wrote the below. It was his first time with any healing.

“I gotta say that Maria is an expert in her craft! She took the time to walk me through how the process works and took the time to listen to me to assess where I'm currently at. I would say this is perfect for someone whose looking to change their life for the better. There's a lot of exercises we go through in order to tap within myself where I was able to confront a lot of my previous trauma. The work is ongoing but because of this program, I was successfully able to attract better opportunities in my life (for example: better job opportunities, being in a better state of mind and even experiencing a healthy relationship for the first time). I highly recommend Maria to anyone looking into a spiritual journey and healing. Keep an open mind and Maria will do her magic! You'll be surprised when she's able to pinpoint things about you without even saying a word but I knew from that moment that this is the person to be working with! I was very happy with my progress and look forward to a brighter future. Thank you Maria for everything!” - Damith W.

It’s incredibly inspiring to witness the changes that my clients undergo especially if I have the chance to supervise during a span of time, like the 10-series allows me. I really care about each and every one of my clients and their progress and breakthroughs feel like my own. What a true pleasure as a healer.

Positive Shifts

One of the things I love hearing about are the positive shifts that occur for my clients. It is so nice that you guys take the time to write to me to share with me.

Here are a few from recent times, anonymously. It brings me so much joy to know that the work that I’ve dedicated my life to has impact. These are only a few from the countless emails I’ve received- even if your feedback isn't here, know that it meant a lot to me. I exercise discretion based upon what personal information is shared.

A lot of my work involves uncovering triggers- meaning, all the emotions from the past that come up in the present that hold us back. Once we shift the way we react and respond to triggers, then our whole realities shift, and so do our self concept. No longer are we powerless, we become confident and powerful.

“I hope all is well. I just got out of an extremely stressful meeting and normally I would be dry heaving due to the induced stress that a meeting such as this would cause. However, I am feeling very calm and well. I fully attribute this to you and our last appointment. Even though it was almost two months ago now, I can still feel the last effects. I wanted to thank you again as I realize what extraordinary effort and energy it takes on your end during an appointment.”

“I want to share the amazing shift I felt this week after our session! I’ve been dealing with coworkers that have been less than kind and speaking ill behind my back. Typically, I would carry this weight with me and find fault within myself or get very angry and resentful, but I feel indifferent this week- and can shift my focus to other positive things. It’s truly amazing and wonderful to feel that difference! So thank you!!!!”

My client above was finishing up her 10-series with me

I should tell you a short story that happened earlier this week. I was taking a taxi cab some place. The driver showed up late and was a little rude to me. Normally in situations like this I would have said nothing then later hated myself for being silent; or I would have tried to defend myself but be extremely nervous (stuttering, fast heart beat). But on this last occasion I quickly and firmly responded to the driver’s rudeness feeling calm and self-confident. The driver was more respectful after that. So I want to say: Thank you so much! I feel like I’m doing much better.

My client above was working with me through remote reiki

“Maria I just wanted to let you know I got the job!

The energy work helped me so much and I can still feel the effects. I’m so grateful for your guidance…..[the reiki sessions] helped so much. I felt/feel really empowered…”

My client above was working with situational reiki— meaning, she wanted to get a job and I helped her to clear what was blocking her. She wrote me a few weeks later to tell me she got the job!

“I wish I could pay you a million dollars for the work we’ve done together”

My client above was finishing up her 10 series.

“Maria! I’ve been meaning to message you. Since our healing, a LOT has changed. I finally left the toxic relationship I was in. My life is in full bloom at the moment, and it has only been one month since I left. I feel so showered with blessings and grateful. My energy levels are higher than ever before! I feel so in tune with myself, my intuition, and my life. Thank you so much,”

My client above worked with me through reiki

“Just wanted to say after our session I fell in love and am now engaged :) crazy stuff! I’ve surprised even myself!”

My client above worked with me through clairvoyance. It’s very normal for exes to come back, new love to come in once we identify and clear patterns/blocks for love. Reiki also works for this- I’ve had clients come back to say that very night we worked together they met their person even if they were single for many many years!

“Wow, just wow. It took me a great while to respond to this email, for it was like a giant gong beaten on the back of my head. Jesus. I don’t think you could’ve described him in better words,”

My client above opted for a photo reading

“This. Is. Spot. On. You are a really gifted clairvoyant. Thank you for not telling me what I should do, but rather tap into my energy to see what would truly make me happy,”

My client above opted for a emailed question about her life path